Posted by: boromax | April 25, 2022

Ode to Snails

By Oddish at

or rather,

truth be told,

something more like

An Uncompromising Declaration of Eternal No-Holds-Barred War Against Snails And All Their Sticky, Slimy Kin Forever And Ever Amen

. . . . . . .

Full Disclosure:

I kill every snail I see

every time


with extreme prejudice

. . . . . . .

As it happens

I like my flowers a whole great massive bunch more than

any shred of affection I might conceivably generate

for those alien destructo slime-machines.

. . . . . . .

They are

to coin a phrase

“evil, wicked, mean, bad, and nasty”

. . . . . . .

I care not

how much theoretical cuteness

may be lavished upon them

by eco-nerds

and deranged Hollywood cartoonists

. . . . . . .

No wonder

the French

parlayed the demise of snails

into a lucrative culinary delicacy

(but, yeah, blech, btw)

. . . . . . .

Those mucilaginous foliage-slicers

will systematically destroy my garden

if I let them

. . . . . . .

I’m not going to let them.

They are vile.

Lights out, Snails!


  1. Most North American terrestrial snails are fairly innocuous, if not out-and-out harmless.

    • Well, they are ‘harmless’ in the sense that they don’t bite nor are they poisonous. But they do horrific damage to one’s plants.

  2. Crsuh! Kill! Destroy!

    • Uh-huh. I am a gentle man, but I gave up trying to convince the snails to leave my plants alone. The whole ‘live and let live’ thing has left the building when it comes to snails, I’m afraid.

  3. Reblogged this on The mind is an unexplored country. and commented:
    ‘Alien destructo slime-machines’ says it perfectly.

    • Thank you, No. 6!

  4. It’s some gosh awful crickets things for us! Blimey!!

    • Do the crickets at least make a nice country noise at night?

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